Turn Off the Light
by missnewvillage
Summary: Two weeks ago Santana got her heart broken when Brittany rejected her for Artie. Fresh off their Regionals win, Mr. Shue assigns them the topic "self-expression." This is Santana's journey as she discovers and learns to accept herself. Quinntana friendship. Brittana endgame. On Hiatus until June.
1. Chapter 1

It has been two weeks. Two weeks since that fateful day when Santana Lopez confessed her true feelings for her best friend. Two weeks since Brittany Pierce rejected her for her boyfriend. Two weeks since Santana had her heart broken.

Two weeks did nothing to relieve her heart from the ache. She still felt hurt and rejected. She steeled herself, building up her walls taller than ever. But Brittany could see through Santana. She knew her best friend well. Brittany tried to talk to Santana and keep her as a friend. But it hurt Santana to even look at Brittany. All she saw was a beautiful innocent face that crushed her heart. She couldn't bear to look at her anymore.

Her friendship with Quinn, however, grew. Quinn wasn't blind to Brittany and Santana's apparent intimate friendship. She had a feeling that they were closer than most best friends were. Of course, she didn't ask Santana about it. It was none of her business what her best friends did in their private lives. But she noticed how Santana avoided Brittany and stopped talking to her. So Quinn asked her what was wrong. Santana didn't budge in telling Quinn anything. But Quinn made sure to tell her friend that she was here for her whenever she needed to talk.

Regionals was this past weekend and the New Directions won. It was a happy win for everyone, except maybe Kurt, who was torn between proud of his former teammates and sad for himself and his new team the Warblers. Now it was the start of a new day and a new week. The day passed by quickly for Santana, which she was thankful for. Now all she had to do was get through glee club rehearsal and she could lock herself up in her room.

Santana made her way into the choir room. Not many people were inside yet. She made her way to the top row, far away from where Brittany would most likely sit with her boyfriend Artie. Quinn came in and sat to the left of Santana and Finn sat next to his girlfriend Quinn.

"Hey Santana," he greeted her politely.

"Sup Finnocence," she smirked.

Quinn rolled her eyes at their interaction. She never understood what Santana had against her boyfriend. Before Quinn could greet Santana, Mr. Schue walked into the classroom.

"Congratulations on our first place win at Regionals yesterday!" Everyone cheered. "Okay. Now we have to gear up for Nationals. As you all know, it is taking place in New York City this year. I know we are going to have to put in a lot of effort because it is not going to be an easy win this time. The show choirs you'll see in New York are going to be the best of the best. But for this week, I'm giving you a different assignment. First I want to ask, how many of you see yourselves in New York City, or any city other than Lima for that matter, after you graduate?"

Rachel and Kurt shot their hands up as soon as they heard the words "New York City." Almost everyone's hands shot up as a response to Mr. Schue's question, Santana's included. She wasn't absolutely sure what she wanted to study in college, but she knew that she wanted to go to college out of state. No one wanted to stay in Lima and end up a Lima Loser.

"Okay." Mr. Schue nodded. "Almost all of you want to get out of Lima once graduation comes. But leaving home means you are out in the world on your own. There are a myriad of opportunities out there for you, but if you don't have a strong idea of who you are and what you want the world is going to eat you up and swallow you whole."

Most of the club looked confused. Finn looked disturbed. Santana whispered a quiet "wanky" to Quinn who chuckled lightly. Brittany turned to Artie. "How can the world swallow you? It doesn't have a mouth?" Santana heard Brittany's question and she sighed quietly, wishing that Brittany was asking her that question instead of that boy. Santana couldn't understand how Brittany could ever choose Artie over her.

"Okay. Settle down," Mr. Schue said trying to regain control of the class. "What i mean is that I want you all to have a good sense of who you are. So this week's assignment is 'Self Expression.' I want you all to choose a song that represents who you are. I want you to dig deep and explore yourselves. Choose something that isn't so obvious but is still true to yourself. Does everyone understand?"

Nods of approval indicated the answer. "Good. You all can go home and start thinking of songs for the assignment. I'll see you on Wednesday."

Everyone stood and got ready to leave. Santana stood and went to walk to the exit when Quinn grabbed her wrist, effectively stopping her. "Hey S. Do you want to come over and work on the assignment with me? I don't even know where to begin," she asked.

Santana looked between Quinn and Finn. "Aren't you both busy doing couple stuff," she asked, trying not to sound bitter but failing miserably.

Finn was the one to respond. "No, not today. My mom wants to take me out to dinner to celebrate our Regionals win. Burt is going to Dalton to take Kurt and Blaine out. So you are free to hang with Quinn."

Santana nodded. "Alright Q. I'll meet you at your house."

Quinn smiled. "See you then!"

* * *

**AN: **Hello. I'm back with a new story. I have to admit, I'm not exactly sure where this came from. But it was begging for me to write it. I have the second chapter almost completed so expect that sometime this week. I'm not sure what is going to happen or how long it is going to be. I can say that it will not be Quinntana. But the Quinntana friendship will be heavy during the first couple of chapters. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Santana parked in front of the Fabray's house. She climbed up the front steps and rang the doorway. Santana was surprised to see Judy Fabray opening the door. "Hey Mrs. F. I'm here to see Quinn," Santana greeted.

"Hello sweetheart. I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been dear," Judy asked.

Santana smiled. "I've been okay. You know, school, homework, the usual." Santana saw Quinn coming down the stairs.

"Mom, stop asking so many questions. We're going to work on a glee assignment."

"Quinnie, it's been a while since I've seen Santana. I'm just asking how she's doing, there is nothing to get embarrassed about. So Santana, are you staying for dinner? I can easily make more food."

Santana looked towards Quinn. "Um, I don't want to bother."

Judy shook her head. "Nonsense. You could never be a bother. Call your parents and tell them you're going to stay for dinner. I'll make some extra for you to take to them."

Santana smiled. "Sure Mrs. F. Thank you." She turned her attention to Quinn. "Ready to listen to some songs," she asked with a wink.

Quinn laughed. "Come on silly," she said and grabbed Santana's hand as they made their way to Quinn's room.

Santana plopped herself onto Quinn's bed. "Do you have any idea which song you wanna do, Q?"

Quinn sighed. "No. And I don't really have any idea how we can start," Quinn said, frustrated.

Santana stood up. "Well let's look at that cd collection you have. You should look for a song in your iTunes library."

"Okay," Quinn agreed. "Should I look for a song for you," she asked.

"Hmm. If you see anything just write it down," Santana answered.

Santana began looking through the extensive cd collection Quinn had. "Dang Q. You have this alphabetized and ordered by year. Anal much. Have you been hanging out with Berry lately," Santana joked.

"Ugh. Don't mention Man Hands. She's just so frustrating. It's like she can't get over the fact that Finn and I are together," Quinn complained.

"Well I think that was what her song was about. You know, how she couldn't get it right and she doesn't have Finn," Santana said.

"Yeah, but I don't know. She just isn't over Finn and I'm sorry, that song was about not knowing how to get him back. I feel like I have to keep fighting to keep Finn with me."

"Quinn," Santana sighed. "I'm gonna ask you something, but I don't want you to get upset or offended." Quinn nodded for her to continue. "Do you really love Finn, or do you just want him because Berry is interested in him?"

Quinn looked at Santana for a second before looking down. When she looked back up she had tears in her eyes. Santana moved to sit down next to her and wrapped her arms around Quinn to hug her.

"I love him Santana. But I messed up. I got jealous of Rachel when she first started getting close to Finn. I stupidly slept with Puck and got pregnant. I'm sorry by the way. I know you two were together. Not only did I cheat on my boyfriend but I slept with my best friend's boyfriend."

Santana stopped her friend's rant. "It's okay Q. Puck and I have always been on and off. I appreciate the apology though. But it's all forgiven and forgotten."

Quinn stopped crying and gave Santana a hug. "You're the best S. I just feel so awful about what happened and I want it to be like before but I don't think he really forgives me or has forgotten. And I feel like the more Rachel tries to befriend Finn the more I'm going to lose him."

Santana felt for Quinn. She never did understand what Quinn saw in Finn. To her Finn was a giant dork who was awkward and didn't really think things though. For some reason Quinn was in love with him. Santana understood the fear Quinn felt though. It was the same fear Santana had had two weeks ago when she told Brittany how she felt. Somehow she forgot all about Artie, but as soon as the blonde mentioned him she was faced with the fact that Brittany might choose him over her. And as she tried to tell Brittany to just end it with the boy she had to face that fear of rejection.

Santana looked at her best friend. "I think you should take a break from boys," she told Quinn. Quinn scoffed. "No, listen to me Q. You define yourself by your boyfriend. You just told me that you are afraid that you are going to lose him to someone else. That fear isn't going to go away. It's going to eat you up until you lose your mind. You are more than just a pretty girl with a boyfriend. It's what Mr. Schue said. Self-expression, not what possessions define you."

Quinn nodded. Maybe you're right, but what about you?"

Santana scoffed. "What about me?"

"Well why did you get with Sam? You didn't really like him, did you?"

Santana shook her head. "Nah, not really. He's a nice guy, but I was never really into him."

Quinn nodded. "That's what I thought."

Santana shrugged. "Yeah. I originally just wanted him because I thought I needed to be with someone. Everyone in glee had a boyfriend practically. Even Zizes. I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

Quinn laughed. "Well, I think you were being a bitch, no offense," Quinn said jokingly. "I mean, he was my boyfriend and you basically broke us up."

Santana shook her head. "No no Blondie. You broke that relationship yourself. You cheated on Sam with Finn. Don't go blaming me when I just tried to help a friend out."

Quinn smiled lightly. "Okay. You're right."

Santana smirked. "I'm always right," she said smugly.

"Hah. Whatever you want to believe Santana."

They sat in a comfortable silence before Quinn voiced her question. "Do you want to talk about whatever is going on between you and Brittany?"

* * *

**AN:** Thank you so much for all the follows and favorites. I really appreciate it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Do you want to talk about whatever is going on between you and Brittany?_

Santana sighed. "Nothing is going on between Brittany and me," she said dejectedly.

Quinn paused to take a good look at Santana. "Well, the past few weeks you two haven't been speaking as much. I know you S. You and Britt are best friends. I'm pretty sure you consider her more of a friend than me. So what happened?"

Santana shook her head. "I consider you my best friend, Q," she said softly.

"Stop avoiding the question Santana. I know I'm one of your best friends. But you and Britt are like on this different level of friendship. It's like you both can read each other's minds. It's crazy how close you are. You are always together. And all of a sudden that stopped. So I know something happened."

"It's none of your business Quinn," Santana snapped.

Quinn sighed. "I know. I just want to help. I don't like to see you like this."

"Like what?"

"Sad, trapped inside your thoughts. If you don't want to tell me that is fine. It's your business. But I just want to be a good best friend for once and see how you are really doing."

Santana sighed. "You are a good friend Quinn. I'm sorry. I want to tell you because I'm so tired of holding everything in. I just can't. If I do it makes it more real and I don't know if I can handle that. I promise when I'm ready I'll tell you. "

"Okay. That's all I'm asking," Quinn said before turning back to her laptop. "Oh and by the way, I'll still be your friend no matter what."

Santana smiled. "Okay you sap. Get back to searching."

* * *

Santana looked through the cd collection, surprised at some of Quinn's selections. Who would have thought little miss church-going Quinn listens to hip hop. She found a cd of The Notorious B.I.G. and almost had a heart attack because of her surprise. Quinn's explanation to having the album was that he was a legend in the world of 90s rap. Santana hasn't gotten to the T section yet, but she wouldn't be surprised now if she found a Tupac album. She has to hand it to Quinn. The girl has great taste in music.

She reached the N section of Quinn's cd when she saw an old yet familiar album. "Oh my gosh, Q. Remember this," she asks, holding out a cd.

Quinn looks up and sees the _Whoa, Nelly!_ album by Nelly Furtado. "I remember that. We used to play that album all the time. How old were we?"

"Like six or seven. Oh my gosh this takes me back. Remember the music video for _I'm Like A Bird_?"

"How could I forget? Brittany actually tried to fly because she saw Nelly doing it. Too bad we didn't realize she was attached to a harness."

Santana burst into laughter. Quinn also couldn't hold in her laughter at their best friend. She was always trying to copy everything she saw in music videos, hoping to pick up new dance moves. Flying, however, was one feat Brittany hadn't been able to master.

"Remember you used to get the words messed up. You thought she said "my love is red and blue," Quinn laughed jokingly.

"Hey, it's not my fault Nelly had horrible diction. I think we made up our own words for half the songs on that cd. Plus I was still learning English," she justified. Santana's parents spoke Spanish to her at home, so she had to learn English in school. Santana turned to put the cd back when she saw the rest of Nelly's albums. "Damn Q. Are you a closeted Nelly fan? I didn't know you had all of her cds. You even have the 'Best of…' collection."

Quinn nodded. "She's actually really good. Her pronunciation maybe not but her songwriting is incredible," Quinn explained.

Santana shrugged. "Well then let's have a listen." She turned to the stereo system Quinn had in her room and slipped the cd in. They both sang out the lyrics to _I'm Like A Bird_. When that finished, Santana went back to looking for songs while still listening to the album.

As the cd played Santana had to admit that she really was impressed with Nelly's lyrics. What was even more shocking to the Latina was the fact that Nelly sang in Spanish and Portuguese – and she could actually understand her. She was looking through the cds when she heard a few lyrics that captured her attention.

_Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try_

Santana instantly thought of Brittany. Brittany had wanted her to open up. She wanted her to talk about her feelings and not run away from them. She listened intently to the second chorus.

_I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness  
And all the real people are really not real at all  
The more I learn the more I learn  
The more I cry the more I cry  
As I say goodbye to the way of life  
I thought I had designed for me_

Santana had spent countless hours crying after their performance of _Landslide_. She was so torn between her feelings of Brittany. Santana had her life planned out. She would graduate from high school and then college. She'd work for a few years to pay back student loans and then she'd marry a man, preferably rich, and live a happy life. Her feelings for Brittany threw that plan out the window. Because Brittany wasn't a boy; she was a girl. And that has consequences that she wasn't sure she could handle.

Santana was trying to compose herself. The song brought out so many emotions in Santana. But as she listened to the ending she couldn't help but let out soft sobs due to the words. Because Santana knew that she would probably never have that happy ending with Brittany.

_We are free in our love._

Quinn heard soft whimpers and turned to see Santana with silent tears streaming down her face. "Hey," she said gently. "What's wrong?"

Santana shook her head as she took in a deep breath. "I'm okay Q. I'm okay," she said, voice breaking as she tried to control her crying.

"No you're not San. Please tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying?"

Santana looked into Quinn's eyes and saw genuine concern but also trust. She inhaled and whispered out one word.

"Brittany."

* * *

**AN:** Sorry I took a while updating. Next chapter will be the last at Quinn's house. After that it's going to be Santana's performance for the "self-expression" assignment. If you guys have any song suggestions shoot me a PM or a review. I'm still searching for the perfect song for her to sing. The song in this chapter is Try by Nelly Furtado, and the story title comes from the Nelly Furtado song Turn Off the Light. Thanks for the continued support.


	4. Chapter 4

Quinn walked to where Santana was standing and wrapped her in a hug. Tears continued to stream down her face, and Quinn's heart broke for her friend. Quinn knew that whatever was bothering Santana wasn't something small and that scared her. She wanted Santana to trust her and come to her for help or even just for a listening ear.

Quinn pulled away from Santana and looked her in the eye. "What happened with you and Brittany?"

Santana walked over to Quinn's bed and let out a sigh as she sank down onto it. "I don't even know where to begin, Q."

Quinn sat beside Santana. "Just start at the beginning. I'm listening."

"Okay, um. Well, I guess everything started last year. After I found out that Puck cheated on me I was really upset. I didn't love him or anything, but he was still my boyfriend, you know? I never thought her would cheat on me. I thought that maybe it was my fault. Maybe I wasn't pretty or smart enough for him. I went to Brittany that day and told her everything I was feeling. And she told me that I was beautiful and that I shouldn't feel like I wasn't perfect. But you know me; I'm too stubborn to believe anything when I've already made my mind up about something. I kept talking bad about myself so Brittany kissed me to make me stop. It was quick and just a little peck really, but it felt so good. It was a million times better than kissing Puck or any other guy.

"So after that I knew I wanted to kiss her again. So we did. We kissed each other but still dated boys. Even though I never felt anything with any of the guys I was with, I didn't want to even think about what kissing Britt meant. So I just ignored it. I acted like it was no big deal, like it meant nothing. "Sex isn't dating," I told myself. And it worked all year and even in the summer. But then the duet assignment happened."

Santana paused and let Quinn take in everything that was said. Quinn was surprised that Santana and Brittany had been intimate for that long. She thought it only happened this year. To her defense she did spend all last year pregnant, but these were her best friends. She should have known, or at least noticed something. Before Quinn could say anything Santana began speaking once again.

"Brittany wanted to sing 'Come To My Window' as a duet with me. But I got afraid because I didn't want to admit liking her. I couldn't do it, so instead I said some really mean things and hurt her feelings. As, I don't know, revenge or something, Brittany had sex with Artie. And then they started dating. Of course it worked; I got so jealous with their relationship. It meant that Britt and I couldn't keep doing what we were doing. I'm not proud of what I'm about to tell you. I, uh, I convinced Brittany that us having sex wasn't cheating because we were both girls. I know, it's horrible. But I missed her. It was the only way I could get to be with her again. But a couple of weeks ago she asked me to tell her what us having sex meant. We sang 'Landslide' and I started thinking about everything. I um... I"

Quinn took Santana's hands and gave a gentle squeeze. "It's okay, San. I'm here for you. No judgments, I promise."

Santana looked at Quinn with watery eyes. "I'm in love with her, Quinn. I love Brittany."

Quinn nodded and pulled her into another hug. "It's okay. Thank you for trusting me and telling me. It's going to be okay," she said in a comforting tone.

"No it's not. I told her. I told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her, but she chose _him_. She practically forced me to admit my feelings towards her, and for what? So she could reject me? So she could tell me that she does love me but she can't be with me because it's not fair to _him_? So she could crush my heart?"

"Santana, you know Brittany would never intentionally hurt you."

"Well she did," Santana huffed, "and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Didn't you tell me that I shouldn't define myself by who I'm with? You shouldn't do that either."

"I'm not Quinn."

"I know it's the same. But I think you need to do some self-exploration. You are an incredible person Santana. Maybe if you fully embraced yourself everything else will be a little easier."

"I just wish it was easy now."

Quinn nodded. "Well, you always have me to talk to when things aren't so easy. You aren't alone anymore."

Santana smiled at Quinn. "Thank you Q. Thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to know that you're okay with everything."

"Of course I'm okay with everything. You are my best friend. I'll always have your back."

"Thank you," Santana said before groaning. "Okay. Can we please stop with the emotional baring of our souls? It's too much for one day, and it'll ruin my reputation as a badass."

Quinn scoffed. "Please. Like anyone believes you're a badass. Didn't you try to fight Zizes and ended up in the nurses office?"

"You know what, how can anyone my size beat up Zizes? She's like three times my size."

"Oh I know that. I was just saying -" Quinn was interrupted by her mother's voice saying that dinner was ready.

"Saved by Mrs. F. Come on Quinnie. It's time to eat," Santana teased before running out of the room and down the stairs.

"Don't call me Quinnie," Quinn yelled and chased after Santana.

* * *

**AN: **I am so sorry for the amount of time it took to update. Between classes and writer's block I just couldn't get this out. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Happy New Year! Review if you wish.

To **I Love Santana: **Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm glad you like the story and hope you like this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

After eating dinner, Santana left the Fabray home with food for her parents and a couple of cds that Quinn thought she might find helpful. Santana wasn't happy that she hadn't found a song after spending so many hours at Quinn's house. However, she felt extremely relieved with everything that they had spoken about.

Santana had essentially come out to Quinn. She didn't utter the words "I'm gay," but she did admit to being in love with Brittany. In her mind that was basically affirming the fact that she wasn't one hundred percent straight. Santana expected the worst; she thought Quinn would hate her or be disgusted by her. But Quinn was accepting and caring towards her. She had no negative judgment towards her, and that was all Santana wanted.

The next day passed quickly, with nothing significant occurring. After Cheerios practice, Santana listened to some of the cds Quinn had given her. None of them were from artists that she knew, but she was certain that Quinn would have given them to her for a reason. It wasn't until she got to the final cd that she found a song that resonated with her. It was a slower song and from a group that she would never consider listening to, but the lyrics expressed the vulnerability and the struggles she was going through. She hoped that by singing this song she would be able to communicate to Brittany that she was trying to accept her true self.

Quinn walked towards Santana's locker the next day. "Hey San," she greeted. "Have you picked out a song yet?"

Santana turned and smiled at her friend. "Hey Q. Yes, I did pick out a song," she replied before reaching into her locker. "Thanks for the cds," she said as she handed them back to Quinn.

"No problem. Did they help," Quinn asked hopefully.

Santana smiled. "They actually did. I picked a song from one of those albums. So thanks."

Quinn squealed excitedly. "That's awesome. Which did you choose?"

Santana rolled her eyes at her friend's excitement. "I'm not telling you. It's a surprise."

Quinn's smile dropped. "Oh, come on San. I'm the one who helped you. Don't you think I deserve to know?"

"You'll find out at glee later today."

Quinn pouted, but the bell signaling the next period rang. "Let's get to class silly," Santana teased. Quinn glared but followed Santana to their class.

Fortunately for Quinn the day passed fairly quickly. But Santana saw this as a misfortune. She was becoming anxious for her performance. She was aware that most of the club would not know the true meaning behind the song, but that didn't mean that Brittany wouldn't figure out what she was trying to say. She walked into the choir room and took a seat next to Quinn.

Quinn smiled as she turned towards her friend. That smile slowly disappeared as she took in Santana's facial expression. "What's wrong," she asked and grabbed one of Santana's hands.

"I'm just really nervous. I don't like sharing personal feelings," Santana whispered loud enough for only Quinn to hear.

"Trust me, I know. But you'll be fine. You always kill any solo you get."

Santana shook her head. "But this is different. This is me sharing something personal. It's like Landslide all over again, but I won't have the support of Brittany or Ms. Holliday."

"If at any point you get too nervous or too emotional just look at me, okay? I'll help you through it," Quinn said reassuringly.

"Okay," Santana said before gently squeezing Quinn's hand.

Mr. Schue came in and began the rehearsal. "Okay everyone. I gave you all assignments on Monday. The theme is self-expression. Is anyone ready to go today?"

Everyone looked at Rachel, including Mr. Schue. "I'm sorry Mr. Schue, but two days is not enough time for me to choose just one song that expresses myself. I'm finding it hard to narrow my choices down. I'll have it done by Friday, though."

Mr. Schue sighed. "That's not a problem, Rachel. Does anyone have a song ready," he asked hopefully.

Santana shyly raised her hand. "Santana! You're ready," he asked. Santana nodded and walked to the front of the room. "Okay," he said. "The floor is yours."

"Thanks Mr. Schue. So, um, the song I chose is not something you'd expect from me, but I really think it describes a side of me that I tend to keep hidden. I know I say mean things and pick on you guys a lot, but it's all a façade that I put on because of my own insecurities. So just keep that in mind while I sing the song."

Santana took a breath and began singing.

_I am moving through the crowd_

_Trying to find myself _

_Feel like a guitar that's never played _

_Will someone strum away_

_And I ask myself_

_Who do I wanna be_

_Do I wanna throw away the key_

_And invent a whole new me_

_And I tell myself_

_No one, no one- don't wanna be_

_No one but me_

Santana glanced towards Quinn as she sang the second verse. She hoped that Quinn would understand the word she was saying because she felt that they applied to Quinn as well. Her friend was seeking the undivided attention from her boyfriend. Santana felt that Finn might not be fully over Rachel, and she didn't want Quinn to get hurt. She hoped that Quinn would just stay true to herself and not try and manipulate Finn or Rachel to get what she wanted.

As she got to the bridge of the song she looked at Brittany. Brittany was looking at her through watery eyes and smiled when her eyes met Santana's. Santana sang the next part looking straight at Brittany.

_Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall_

_You turn the light on to erase it all_

_You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless_

_So open all the blinds and all the curtains._

Santana finished the song and bowed her head, trying to discreetly wipe the tears building up in her eyes. Quinn and Brittany clapped for her and the rest of the club joined in. Mr. Schue smiled and stood up. "That was really lovely, Santana. Would you like to explain why you chose that song?"

Santana nodded. "Thank you," she said softly before continuing. "I chose this song because I've recently been struggling in finding my identity and accept it. I've pushed a lot of people away because of it. I just think that it's time for me to start embracing all of the qualities that make me who I am."

"Well, that was excellent," Mr. Schue said and continued to talk to the class. Santana sat back down and glanced towards Brittany. Brittany smiled at Santana before turning away. Santana sighed and focused on what was being said. A few minutes later her phone vibrated.

**[From Brittany**]: Can we talk after rehearsal?

* * *

**AN: **The song used was No One by Aly and AJ. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Santana felt her heart beating rapidly as she read Brittany's text message. Brittany wanted to speak with her. This was what Santana had wanted, but she was still nervous about actually having a conversation with Brittany. They hadn't spoken since Santana confessed her love to Brittany. That wasn't to say that Brittany hadn't tried. Santana was good at running away. But now she was just tired of running.

**[To Brittany]**: Yes we can meet. Outside your locker?

Brittany replied back saying she wanted to meet somewhere more private. Santana wasn't sure if she could handle being alone in either of their bedrooms, so she suggested the pond in the park near her house. Brittany's reply was a smiley face that made Santana chuckle.

When rehearsal was over Santana met Brittany outside the choir room. "Hey San," Brittany said hesitantly.

Santana smiled softly. "Hi Britt. You ready to go? I'll drop you off at your house when we finish."

Brittany nodded. "Sure. Sounds good."

The drive to the park was quiet. Both girls were unsure of what to say to each other. The drive was short and they walked over to the pond. Brittany sat down near the edge of the pond and Santana sat next to her. They stared out into the water for several minutes before Brittany turned towards Santana.

"You were great in glee today," she told Santana. "I liked the song you picked."

Santana blushed. "Thanks Britt-Britt. I'm glad you liked it. When I picked the song I had you in mind."

Brittany looked surprised. "Oh yeah?"

Santana nodded. "I know I've been shutting you out of my life after everything that happened. It's just that you made me admit things that I didn't even want to think about. I was so scared of saying it out loud."

"Santana," Brittany sighed, "I miss you so much. You are my best friend and not talking to you is making me so sad."

"I know Britt, and I'm sorry for ignoring you these past few weeks. You hurt me, though."

"But I didn't mean to. You have to believe that," Brittany cried out pleadingly.

"I know that. You are probably the most loving and caring person in all of Ohio. I know you didn't want to hurt me, but you did."

A tear slipped out of Brittany's eyes, and Santana wiped it off with the pad of her thumb. "Don't cry. It's okay. I'm actually glad that everything happened the way it did."

Santana looked into Santana's eyes through her tear-filled ones. "What do you mean," she asked.

"Well, if you hadn't made me sit down and talk about my feelings I probably would have stayed in denial. I wouldn't have dealt with my emotions and with the situation. And I wouldn't have realized something important."

"What's important," Brittany asked breathlessly.

"I'm in love with you," Santana stated and looked into Brittany's clear blue eyes.

Brittany's face glowed with Santana's declaration of love. "I love you too, Santana."

"I know you do. I've known that I was in love with you since last summer. I just couldn't admit it to myself."

"But why not," Brittany questioned.

"Because that would make it real. I'd have to deal with the consequences of admitting that I was in love with a girl."

"I don't understand," Brittany sighed, frustrated that she didn't comprehend what her best friend was trying to say.

"It's okay Britt. I'm probably not making sense. I'm a girl, and society says that girls are supposed to be with boys. If I'm with you then I'm a girl being with another girl. A lot of people think that is wrong, and they can say hurtful comments and be judgmental. Remember how Karofsky bullied Kurt and he switched schools?" Brittany nodded. "Well he did that because he found out that Kurt was gay. If people at McKinley found out about us they'd do the same thing. I don't want anyone to hurt you. And as much as I'd like to think I'm tough and can handle anything, I'm not strong enough to deal with the bullying either."

Brittany was silent as she took in Santana's words. Santana pushed back a strand of hair that fell on Brittany's face. Brittany looked up at Santana. "I think that you are so amazing, Santana. I love how you always say the first thing that comes to your mind. I love how you care for your friends and family. I love the way your face scrunches up when you are happy, and I love the dimples on your cheeks when you smile. I love how you always know what to say to cheer me up. I love that you never make me feel stupid and that you are patient with me when I don't understand something. And I love that you love me. I love all the little things that make you awesome, and I wish you could love them too and not be scared to share yourself with the world."

Santana smiled and pulled Brittany into an embrace. She never felt as loved as she currently did hearing Brittany tell her the reasons why she loved her. She was happy that Brittany was in love with her just as much as she was.

Santana pulled away from the embrace and placed a soft kiss on Brittany's lips. Her heart fluttered at the contact. "I'm trying, Brittany. I want to love those parts of me too. It's going to take some time, but I am slowly beginning to accept every aspect of myself. I'm going to get to the point where I can proudly tell everyone that I am in love with you. I know I am; I'm so close to that point. Just give me some time, please."

"I will, but only if you promise me that you won't shut me out anymore. I need you in my life Santana. You're my best friend, and I want to be able to talk to you. We won't be able to kiss anymore, even though that kiss just now was so amazing. I just want the next time we kiss to be when you finally allow yourself to be open and carefree. Is that okay?"

"Of course that's okay. I missed you too Brittany. I need you in my life, and if that is just as a best friend then I'll accept that. I know I probably shouldn't have kissed you, but I didn't know how to thank you for your words or convey what they meant to me. I won't kiss you again unless we are together as more than friends. But for now all I want is my best friend in my life again."

Brittany grinned at Santana. "I'll always be in your life, Santana."

* * *

**AN: **Just wanted to let you all know that this story is at the halfway point. There will be about 4-6 more chapters. I plan to have this story completed by the end of this month. Thanks to all who have continued reading.

To the guest reviewer, t: I do love Quinntana and was considering pairing them together even though I previously stated I wouldn't, but I have decided that this story will be Brittana. The Quinntana friendship is a main part of this story, and will be heavy in one of the upcoming chapters. I'm glad you are enjoying the story.


	7. Author's Note

Hi everyone.

Sorry. This isn't an update. This is an announcement that this story is temporarily on hiatus. I know it's been a while (2 months) since my last update and I don't want to leave you guys in the dark thinking I forgot about this. I do have a plan for the rest of this story, but I don't have the time to sit down and write it. I'll be back in June to finish the story.

Until next time!

AC


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